I split with C about 5 weeks ago. When we were together we had a joint email account accessed by all the family which his sister would mail to when she was abroad it was easier than her ringing texting individulas and we could all see how she was. When two of our friends went to Cuba to teach in September they also used this address to mail us. So I have just logged on to see if they have been in touch and to tell them my personal address to send to in future. Amongst the new messages were two from a florist.

It seems C has got himself a new lady. I know I have been out and done whatever with certain people but it is just a smack in the face. I am reeling! He has obviously used our joint account knowing I would find it as he has his own which I have no access to. the thing is tho that my friend S kept insisting he was seeing someone else the week before we spilt and her bloke said he had seen him with the receiver of the flowers but C denied it. In the message he has asked them to put on the card he is calling her the name he called me. i suppose what I am feeling is the realisation that we aren't going to get back together and that it really isn't just a break its over.

Been to Morrisons in town. They have a display of Easter Eggs

What the fuck? It is still officially December!

You aren't wanted? I moved back home in August after living with my ex for a spell. A month ago i got a house all of my own with no money sucking ex to hinder me. It needs work doing on it, the last occupants were colour blind I think and smelt alot!! Today my mum has announced that even tho I feel like crap we are goin to the house to get some work done as I am moving in next weekend......oh!

1 This is news to me
2 Im going out next weekend
3 Im a tiny bit scared about living on my own

Arrgh!!!

I went on the famous "Everyones Local" pub crawl (well its famous amogst my firends anyway)

Basically we asign a DES and drive round some of the more popular pubs in the area. Last night I was DES

First pub we saw Sam Nixon you know the guy from Pop Idol who now presents kids TV. L found this very funny as she had just seen him on Celebrity Weakest Link (simple things and simple minds etc etc)
Next pub contatined my ex and Ls ex! Oh how bad that was. We sat in a corner and barely spoke. The shame! Then we nipped to my folks local and had a couple in there. My dad is a big joker and is normally the life and sole on a good day so we had a good laugh in that one, called in another couple of pubs then decided it would be a good idea to go for food so settled upon a local Italian, called to see S's bloke first in his local. He is one of those guys you cant help but love, we get on very well which is fab as it means there is never any issues between us all. He was lauhging because he said that conversation should be of a high quality when ladies are present but somehow we always manage to lower it! (dont know what he means our minds aren't too sad sick or perverse!) In the end decided to get a kebab to finish the night. The Italian must have heard our plan and bolted the door! So between 3 of us we had
1 Chicken pizza
1 Garlic bread with tomato
3 Kebabs!

Such pigs! But So nice! So then went home after dropping the rabble off and watched soppy film!

This morning I feel incredibly ill, since I didnt toucha drop it must be the food!

So my NYE will be spend nursing my poorly self alone! What joy!

A Place Called Here by Cecelia Ahern.

It was fantastic, It is a bit of a Chic Lit book but I thought well worth the read. It is about a Missing Person Agent who goes missing. I wont spoli the story but anyone looking for a new read try it!

Im abit adicted to her to be honest, the other month I read her book "If You Could See Me Now" which is a bit like a fairy story for adults, it is full of laughs. It turned out to be a real feel good book!

Also "PS I Love You" which was he first book I read of hers. I found it incredibly moving. I think it may be agood read for anyone who has recently lost a loved one. The story is about carrying on and rebuilding your life after a loved one passes away.

And finally "Where Rainbows End" is a story of missed oppertunities and second chances a good love story. Where it all goes right in the end!

I love to read and this is my reccomendation of the week. I will literally read anything.

Can anyone recomend something new for me to try??

In my favourite place, Cornwall.

Thought browsing through some pictures on the net would cheer me up an I thought I could share them with you

Hayle, it is so relaxed and peacefull. We stay at a gorgeous little camp site juts out of Hayle

Sorry if these pics are abit small for some of you!

The site is called Treglisson and is just fantastic!
The dog above is Poppy she lives on the site and we had to be brave when we left and not take her home with us. She is just beautiful!
I have a real longing for this place. Maybe it is because I was so happy when we were there. I was with the guy I thought i'd marry one day. Funny I never thought in a million years that 3 months later that would all be over and I'd be in this mess. Strange how life changes when your least expecting it.

It feels like 2 mins since we were there!

Anyway people hope you enjoy!!!!

I have tried to find out how I ended up in the situation I did on Sunday night, as hard as I try I cannot remember anything so I give up. Then if in a few weeks I find I am expecting this fucking idiots baby then maybe he will answer my questions and realise that it is his problem too.

Read Kays blog earlier her duvet idea is good!Does anyone know what has happend to her page as apparently it does not exist??? It did this morning.

I cant get the answers to my questions, no one seems to be answering their phones. I feel so down I just want to lock the door, curl up and cry. I cant decide if I should just go round to this guys and get my answers or stay well away. Im scared of looking like some crazed loony, but on the other hand I have a right to know.

So now the guy in question cant see me tonight and wont answer his phone and now Im really scared...Why Cant I just remember

from what I can remember was a really good afternoon! I started drinking at 3.30.

But..... it gets bad when I cannot remember anything from 7.30 to 2.30 when I woke up in bed with a guy I know. I am covered in bruises. And I am very very scared. I cannot remember leaving my friends, getting in a taxi or ever agreeing to go to his. I do not know why i am covered in bruises. I have agreed to see him tonight to try and get some answers but I am scared as I never ever forget what has happend no matter how much I drink. I have lost 7 hours of my life and that is a long long time.

No one can remember me leaving one friend remembers me kissing this guy about 7ish and nothing after that.

Out of 22 people who came out that aft no one can answer my questions.

Why?

Ive just been to inspect my dads handly work, hes been and papered the chimney breast in my dining room. I Opened the post. Now my house is a council house and has a gas meter where you put money on a little card and it tops the meter up. Ive had tenancy for 10 days so how the hell can British gas send me a bill for £99???? I have tried to get through on their "helpline" (i think they call them this as most of the people on the other end need help)and had no luck! What do I do?

About 3 weeks ago me and my man of 18 months split up. He dumped me in quite a non conventional manor. At the time I suprised myself and wasnt really that upset.

So why suddenly am I an emotional wreak? I feel awful and am getting very very depressed. We are on talking terms and we still have a few things to sort out possessions animals etc so i cant sever all ties but as soon as I hear him I burst into tears.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why now with 6 days to christmas?

Dontcha just love it,

This whole homeworking crap is doin my head in. Sat down at 8.37 am exactly and have not done a smidgin of work as the server is down. Im bored and I am worried they may send me into the office as this shit isnt goin to be sorted quickly. That would mean I would have to get dressed as I dont think me in the office in my jamas will go down too well!

Dontcha just love it,

This whole homeworking crap is doin my head in. Sat down at 8.37 am exactly and have not done a smidgin of work as the server is down. Im bored and I am worried they may send me into the office as this shit isnt goin to be sorted quickly. That would mean I would have to get dressed as I dont think me in the office in my jamas will go down too well!

Not blogged for a couple of days but last time I was heading xmas shopping. That is a sore subject. I still have 4 pressies to get!

Spend all day yesterday painting my new house. went this morning fufll of excitement to see the finished result....Oh Dear....

Kitchen is on its 5th coat of cream but is still showing blue through ( It was 4 different shades of blue when I got the house)

Dining Room, The colour on the tin is Cafe Classic what it should actually say is Shitty brown!! Although it is an improvement on the peach which was there before.

Hall/Stairs. I found a nice subtle green colour which was on the tin more of a white with a green tint. It is flourecent green, it is so bright I do not need the light on! I just wanted to brighten it up a tiny bit and make it look bigger!

So back down to B&Q i think to spend some more money!!

I felt i have to write this down....
My dad has just come into my room/office and sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked over at me and said "I want to talk to you" Now what you need to understand is that my dad has Leukimia. This tiem last year he was in Intensive Care fighting for his life after getting the cold. So when dad says he need to talk to me I get very very worried. Now I have just got my first house, although it will not be ready until after xmas. So anyway im sat here thinking "Oh My God" when dad puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out his wallet. He takes out £50 lays it on my table and says "I know its not much but put this towards your carpets" He then turned and left. I am almost in tears! Since being diagnosed with CLL he has been unable to work. He has been in hospital so many times and he was self employed he was losing money not making it. As you can imagine 4 years without working has taken its toll on his savings and now every penny counts. £50 at the moment is a hell of alot to him......
it has overwhelmed me just how much I love my dad.

That day is upon us folks! Pay Day which means I have money to do my Xmas shopping. I know what I need and where I need to get it from. But that will not make the slightest bit of difference will it! It will still be busy and full of half wits who seem to have no where to go and all day to get there! I have no patience when it comes to shopping. I cannot understand my friends who spend hours and hours in one shop. To me that is like torture!
My mum has asked me to get a couple of things for her. she said my sister wants some of that Fooook bath stuff. I think she ment FCUK?!?

So think of me at 3.00pm when I will be riping handfulls of hair out in dispair as everything I am going for will be out of stock. And if I have not blogged by 8.oopm send in a rescue party!

As ive mentioned before I am currently working from home. I have been doing this for 2 weeks. I have just been informed by a collegue that in my drunken state last night my boss, the one who looks like a vampire, came and asked me how I was coping and had I learnt anything. I am informed that my reply was...
"yesh I no that Ive already see all the episodes of the Jeremy Kyle show cos they were on in the summer when I was off"
Oh dear dear me!
I think id best start looking for another job!

Why does it always seem like such a good idea to get drunk. Why oh Why??

Im working from home at the moment. My Principle officer is a bit of a cow and if you catch her at certain angles looks remarkably like a Vampire... So anyway she rings me to inform me I will be on a course sometime in the New Year which is fine as after Crimbo I will be back in the office on a full time basis....or so I thought as when I informed her of this she said " Well I doubt it, We cant work on the basis you will be here but I will put you down anyway" What is that supposed to mean? Does she mean I may be allowed to Work at home for longer than agreed or are they planning on putting my P45 in with my Christmas card? Is my imagination running away with me?

Ive heard all these stories about "blogs" So I thought lets see what its all about...

I have to wonder looking at other blogs if owt Ive got to say will be of much interest.

Suppose I should start with the name. Jackopus is my cat! I struggle to think of names so since she was parading around my desk I thought she'd be as good as owt!